21 Comments
User's avatar
The Wild Medeina's avatar

Love your part of the story!

Sincerely Seb's avatar

That line from your mother hurt to hear. I think your concept of empowerment was really eye opening for me.

Monica Fernandes's avatar

It’s not easy to write it out loud, if that makes sense. Those words never left me though.

Sincerely Seb's avatar

No I’ll bet. That’s a heartbreaking thing to hear, I can only imagine she learned the sentiment from her own upbringing which is another sad symptom of recurring cycles of family pain.

Monica Fernandes's avatar

That’s exactly right. I think her upbringing was very disjointed. Different times (during WWII). She’s 88 now and we FaceTime daily.

Amanda Aaron 🇨🇦's avatar

Monica I love this! I am inspired to write about my own experiences. There can be awful, lonely times, and it makes our connections all the sweeter.

Monica Fernandes's avatar

You definitely should. It’s a part of our lives. For mine, those connections are just as important as family. In some cases, they are the chosen family.

Hello, I'm Human's avatar

While I can't understand what this feels like because I've never had it, I'm delighted that you found your way and your people. And I'm so sorry that your relationship with your mother wasn't what you needed.

Monica Fernandes's avatar

Thank you so much for your words. Keep searching. In next week’s essay (Part 2), I will share some of the ways we can find our people. The relationship with my mother has morphed many times. It’s pretty decent nowadays. 🙏🏼

Monica A Leyva's avatar

Oh I love the idea of sister friends. This was a great read.

Monica Fernandes's avatar

Thank you! One of my old essays is all about that.

Kandid Scott | Still Becoming's avatar

I resonate with this so much. I never really had my mother to confide in either. With her it was a "you never had it as bad as me" kind of story. I love that you have found your tribe and all over. It truly is beautiful how we can be so close with our soul sisters when in physicality we are so far away. You truly hit the nail on the head to... you keep showing up. That's what I had to do too. I had to show up for myself first...then show up for them, and continue to show up again and again. love y'alls collaboration. Such a beautiful reminder of how special our women friends are and truly precious the real connection is. Cheers!

Monica Fernandes's avatar

Thanks, Kandid, and nice to meet you! Thanks for reading.

Yes, it's not always an easy road. Tough realizations along the way, as I kept hoping for that support from my mother. But her support came in different ways, and I only understood that much later. The soul sisters/sister friends—the good ones—remain. 💖🙏🏼 I feel very grateful.

Kandid Scott | Still Becoming's avatar

So nice to meet you too!! ahhh yes! after a lot of work I have found those things about my mother too. and also realize people can only give to you as much as they’ve given to themselves. So very thankful for my soul sisters/sister friends now. they are a gift

Monica Fernandes's avatar

🙏🏼💖🙌🏼

Lisa Djahed's avatar

You are an expert level friend!!!! Truly magical!!!

Monica Fernandes's avatar

Right back at ya, sister friend. Thank you! 💖

Meggen In The Middle's avatar

Beautiful ✨🤍

Monica Fernandes's avatar

Thank you, my dear. 💖

Meggen In The Middle's avatar

Of course!! 🩷✨